Statements I Think Are Amusing, True, Or Just Useful
People I Don't Know
How can you think and hit at the same time?
A man's heart may have a secret sanctuary where only one woman may enter, but
it is full of little anterooms which are seldom vacant.
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily.
Robert A. Heinlein
If you do draw on your eyeball use a pencil rather than liquid eyeliner as it hurts a lot less.
Take a Bite-The Net.Goth handbook
Keep in mind that the GM is God, but that doesn't make the players monotheists
Other 9122 (paraphrased)
...if you're ever confused about which people are you and which people aren't you, there's a simple test: look for a head. Everyone but you has a head. You have no head. Furthermore, everyone except you has a single, opaque nose; you have two fuzzy translucent noses. Which are, of course, not attached to any head, since you don't have a head.
"Dennett," by way of Andrew Plotkin
Schrodingering a plot point is fine--if, once the box is opened, the cat remains a calico.
There was a young man of Dunlaoghaire
Who pronounced an interesting theoghaire:
That the language of Erse
Has a shortage of verse
As the spelling makes poets so weoghaire.
Unknown poet, who had taken too much Irish Gaelic
It's much easier to extract a surrender from a government when you're pointing a gun at it.
I don't need smilies; I have a '.uk' in my domain name.
So I cannot forgive. Which makes the notion of writing a character who can forgive momentarily attractive...because it allows mo to explore in great detail something of which I am utterly incapable. I cannot fly, so I would write of birds and starships and kites; I cannot play an instrument, so I would write of composers and dancers; and I cannot forgive, so I would write of priests and monks and Minbari...
J. Michael Stracznsky
Heck, _anybody_ can get a nunchaku to travel at .9c. It's getting it
back up out of the neutron star's gravity well afterwards that's the
William December Starr
That's why succubi and incubi are supposed to be cute. If they were terminally out of style and had embarrassing personal hygiene problems, they wouldn't be nearly as good at their jobs, now would they?
There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportinately. When the affection is the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be ommitted.
If one sets aside time for a business appointment or a shopping expedition,
that time is inviolable. But if one says, "I cannot come because that is my
hour to be alone," one is considered rude, egotistical, or strange.
Anne Morrow Lindbeth
I myself have never been able to find out precisely what feminism is: I only
know that people call me a feminist whenever I express sentiments that
differentiate me from a doormat, or a prostitute.
Not us. We have no role in life whatsoever. None. The only thing I want to do is sprinkle magic dust on everybody and say, "Just relax. Let us take you." I want to be a ride at a thrill park that takes you for the ride of your life, where you just can't help yourself and you're screaming with delight and at the end of the ride you get off and you go, "Wow! What a great ride."
Gene Simmons, on the social relevance of KISS
--Goodness, what lovely diamonds!
--Goodness had nothing to do with it, dearie.
Hatcheck girl and Mae West
Magic is a matter of believing. Magic exists as long as you don't believe in it.
Roel van der Meulen
Well, my tent's got a huge puddle in it, but my air matress floats.
Overheard at Pennsic
Suddenly the cop's going, "I'm hungry and I don't know why."
--Now I'm going to turn over and you can do horrible things to my helpless body with a fork.
--I don't have a fork.
--Then just use your hands...
Don't think of it as being outnumbered; think of it as a wide choice of targets.
--What do you think we should do about this?
--Kill her and make soup?
--Proof of what?
--The Pod People have taken over...
--Well, it failed, and you destroyed the universe. Again.
--Yes, but did I take out my sister?
--No...but you did manage to piss her off...
GM and player in the Amber RPG
People I Know, None of Whom are Famous. Yet.
He was flirting--it's the best way to communicate.
Don't piss off the glowing guy.
Whoever is willing to sacrifice the most will win. Unless they do something utterly stupid.
It's just not the same without the oscilloscope.
Just because you're on a diet doesn't mean you can't look at the menu.
Forget about witches; thou shalt not suffer a *fool* to live.
I don't care if you want to talk to the gods in the Eat 'n Park; just WARN me
Also Carrie Schutrick
How can you have an illuminating conversation about head cheese?
Do you see a sticker that says "Wait 45 minutes and THEN assume?"
Shawn, you may not marry yourself without my permission!
I must confess that being created as an experiment by an arbitrary and capricious God who seems to delight in torturing people, destroying cities, and getting innocent virgins pregnant would have a *much* more negative effect on my self-esteem than pre-biotic soup.
I don't stick adhesives to my forehead.
Um, that guy, the one in my class. Sorry, I've forgotten your name.
"It is better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven." Yeah, like he had a lot of choice...
--Playing with your balls?
--That's physical therapy to you!
Norm Papernick and Charlotte Yano
Um, did I mention Zool?
Rule #1: Don't have sex in a Reese's Cup.
Please don't include me in your delusional fantasies.
Lynne Powell and Ann Kopchik
Don't shoot until you see if they have eyes.
I'll have you know my bunny was wet when I got it back!
Also Trevor Schadt
I didn't swallow anything and I'm not spitting anything out.
Shawn gave me back some of the money he owed me for bills, so I went and bought
a comic book...well, I had some change left over...
The good news is that this guy's no longer much of a threat to anyone who's
I'll bet these F@#$%^s stun and bleed!
These are Imperials--they're not user-friendly.
No. The Mellon Bank Building is NOT the new Palace of Hell!
Also Mark Gabriele
You say you see something funky about the Empire State Building. I just see
the Empire State Building. But it's NOT the Empire State Building; it's really
a dark, foreboding pit of festering evil.
Dave (last name pending)
Is ignorance bliss?
If I'd put in *History of the World* we probably wouldn't be here now.
Also Ben Cordes
Oh, I'll bet.
I am not cynical...where is that pickaxe?
You have a kind and generous soul--unfortunately it doesn't match the rest of
Also Norm Papernick
That's because they haven't found out yet that my hair can do cold fusion.
People Who Don't Exist. Really, they don't. No, honestly...
Do not meddle in the affairs of wizards, for they are subtle and quick to anger.
It's the charge of the trenchcoat brigade...
Wanting doesn't make it so. If it did, we'd all learn to want harder. I can already want quite vigourously, thank you very much.
"I dwell in darkness without you" and it WENT AWAY?
You...are finite. Zathras...is finite. This...is wrong tool.
The Truth is out there.
I'm not saying what I'm saying. I'm not saying what I'm thinking. For that matter, I'm not even thinking what I'm thinking.
Captain John Sheridan
The words and I will be locked in mortal combat until one of us surrenders.
Oops--it's weird mission time.
Why couldn't I have been destined to be a great dentist or something instead?
For ere Demetrius look'd on Hermia's eyen,
He hail'd down oaths that he was only mine;
And when this hail some heat from Hermia felt,
So he dissolved, and showr's of oaths did melt.
Helena of Athens
Hey, look: "Breach hull, all die." Even had it underlined.
Crow T. Robot
Men and women can't be friends.
You're right, you're right, I know you're right...
If there's a bright center to the universe you're on the planet that it's
They're all dead; they just don't know it yet.
Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever.
True love is the most wonderful thing in the world--except for a nice MLT, a
mutton-lettuce-and-tomato sandwich, when the mutton is nice and lean--that's so
perky, I love that...but that's not what he said!
I could be arguing in my spare time.
Ray, if someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!
OK, this chick is TOAST!
I'm NOT the Messiah!
I happen to like nice men.
He'd be pushing up the daisies if you hadn't nailed him to the perch!
A Python. Can't remember which one.
--That was the movies. This is real life!
--What is the difference?
Benjy Stone and Alan Swan
Never tell me the odds!
I have a (very) bad feeling about this...
Luke, Leia, Han, and Threepio
Try not! Do, or do not. There is no try.
--Whatever you do, don't hit him in the balls.
--But you said anything goes!
--Anything goes, but he'll take it personal.
The announcer and a prospective cage fighter, who's about to discover that Wolverine is the Best At What He Does.
The circus must be halfway to Metropolis by now.
I mean, if I went 'round saying I was emperor just because some moistened bint
lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!
You try my patience! Make your choice.
The Phantom of the Opera
I need to feel your heartbeat so close it feels like mine...
King Crimson, Heartbeat
I don't want to touch you too much, baby, cause making love to you might drive me crazy.
Def Leppard, Love Bites
You gotta loose your mind in Detroit Rock City
Kiss, Detroit Rock City
But it's never said at all on the map that Carrie reads.
Blue Oyster Cult, Astronomy
Or shal I change my love, for I find pow'r to depart, and in my reason prove I can command my heart?
John Dowland, What If I Never Speede?
And every time you speak her name, does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died, till you died, but you're still alive.
Alanis Morisette, You Oughta Know
I wonder where you are; I wonder if you think about me...
The Moody Blues, Your Wildest Dreams
No one ever told me that love would hurt so much, and pain is so close to pleasure...
Queen, One Year Of Love
Don't need a course in self-awareness to find out who I am
Weird Al Yankovic, I'll Be Mellow When I'm Dead
Don't you ever change your mind? Now your future's so defined and you act so
deaf, so blind...come on, come talk to me...
Peter Gabriel, Come Talk To Me